Transformers Review

Shia LeBeouf- Sam Witwicky
Megan Fox- Mikaela Banes
Josh Duhamel- Captain Lennox
Tyrese Gibson- USAF Tech Sergeant Epps
Jon Voight- Defense Secretary John Keller
Rachael Taylor- Maggie Madsen
Kevin Dunn- Ron Witwicky
Julie White- Judy Witwicky
Anthony Anderson- Glen Whitman
Zack Ward- First Sergeant Donnelly
John Turturro- Agent Simmons
Michael O'Neill- Tom Banachek
Peter Cullen- (voice) Optimus Prime
Directed by Michael Bay
Screenplay by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, based on a story by John Rogers, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman, based on the Hasbro toy line
Distributed by Dreamworks SKG and Paramount Pictures
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language
Runtime- 144 minutes
Website: http://www.transformersmovie.com/


When I first heard that someone was going to make a live action movie based on the "Transformers" toy line and cartoon show, I didn't think it would work. I figured that we'd end up with one of two things: a poorly made action movie with complicated yet boring special effects and a cast of lame butt teen and tween stars talking on cell phones, or a cheap looking science fiction movie with three robot fights that look, well, cheap. Although I actually like his movies, I figured at some point Paul W.S. Anderson's name would have come up as a possible director since he can apparently deliver decent looking movies on the relative cheap ("Alien vs Predator" cost, what, $60 million? Sure, it ended up looking like "Resident Evil," but still, it didn't look terrible). But then big, fat Steven Spielberg was announced as one of the principal producers, and then big, fat Michael Bay was named as director. All of a sudden, "Transformers" the live action movie sounded like it could both look good and be good. Yes, both Spielberg and Bay have been involved with bad movies, but we could still trust them to at least make something interesting.

And that's exactly what happened. "Transformers" the movie is a freaking blast from start to finish.

As soon as the movie starts and we hear Peter Cullen's booming voice as the great Optimus Prime explain a bit of the back story of what the Autobots and Decpticons and what all of this big butt robot hooha is about, you can just tell that the movie is going to work. It can't fail. The flick proper starts out in the Middle East, in Qatar, with a US military special forces group landing after just completing a mission and looking forward to a period of rest. Things seem to be going swimmingly for everyone there (everyone is either taking a shower, sitting in a kiddie pool, or hanging out with some of the locals) when a rogue helicopter shows up. Some stuff happens, and suddenly the military base is under attack. Some kind of big hooha robot thing is laying waste to everything in its path. The scene then shifts to a high school where we meet Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf), a hip and edgy esque nerd in the middle of explaining his long family history and trying to get his classmates to buy some of his family's prized heirlooms. Sam needs to earn "enough" money to get the car that he wants. Some stuff happens, and Sam's father Ron (Kevin Dunn, sort of playing the same father role he played in "Small Soldiers") takes him to the local car dealership to get a car. Ron is going to pay for it (well, at least most of it). Sam, of course, wants a big engined "cool" car but his father isn't going to pay for something like that. While looking at a beat up yellow Camaro, Sam decides that he wants that car. There's something "odd" about it that is just so dang appealing. So some more stuff happens and that's the car that Sam ends up with.

The scene shifts then again to Washington, D.C., where US military leaders at the Pentagon are trying to figure what exactly happened in Qatar. What the heck attacked the base? And why is the military computer network compromised? This is where we meet the Secretary of Defense John Keller, played by John Voight, and hip and edgy uber blonde computer hacker analyst nerd Maggie Madsen as played by Rachael Taylor. Madsen and her group have to analyze the bizarre transmissions that various satellites and whatnot picked up during the attack and try to figure out where they came from and what they are. There's suspicions that the Chinese, the Russians, or the North Koreans are behind this and the US military is readying to do something about it.

We then go back to Witwicky's life and his new car. He and a dorky pal go to a nearby hip and edgy party populated by all of the popular kids at school, including the uber hot Mikaela Banes, as played by Megan Fox. Sam tries to get her to notice him and uses his new car as a conversation piece. Banes already has a hip and edgy cool jock boyfriend, but he's a jerk and she decides to dump him right then and there. Sam sees an opening, takes it and runs with it. He manages to get Banes in his car and quickly the "sparks" fly. Back in Qatar, the surviving giant robot attack soldiers are walking the desert carrying a piece of the robot and looking for a way to contact the Pentagon. Another battle ensues.

And so the story keeps shifting between these three groups. The soldiers out in the desert, the Pentagon analysts, and Sam Witwicky and his girl and family problems and his eventual realization that his new car isn't just a new car. When the good Transformers finally reveal themselves, the question is will they be able to beat back the bad Transformers, who, as we find out, are looking for the same thing?

To me, one of the biggest surprises of the movie is its three story structure and how it actually works. When you sit back and list all of the stuff that happens you realize that Bay could have made three full length movies with the various characters getting their own movie. The Sam story is obviously the focus as it gets the most screen time (a boy and his car that really isn't a car), but the military analyst/computer hacker story and the soldiers out in the desert fighting something they've never seen before story all could have easily been expanded and made into satisfying movies. What we actually get from those three stories and how they all connect is amazingly clear and unmuddled. There's just so much more that we could have seen from any of the stories, but we never really feel cheated by what we do get. Shia LeBouf is perfect as the hip and edgy esque nerd Sam. His love of cars, cute girls, and his dog are all easy to understand. LeBouf gets to show off his humorous side with his father and mother (the mother is played by "Grace Under Fire" veteran Julie White), and when he gets to eventually interact with the Transformers it never once feels contrived. Kevin Dunn, as usual, does a fine job, as does White. Megan Fox is good as the bad girl that LeBouf wants to get with. On the analyst side, Voight does his usual decent job as the Defense Secretary. He's got to be good at these kinds of roles as these are the only ones he's probably going to be offered as his career moves forward (he looks old). Rachael Taylor is just hot. Anthony Anderson shows up as a hacker and he's funny, which is what we expect from him. And then there are the soldiers out in the desert. Josh Duhamel's Captain Lennox is obviously the hero of this section (and he does a good job as the square jawed hero), but Tyrese Gibson is just basically forgotten. Isn't his name on the poster? Gibson does get one of the best lines in the movie, though "Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek!" And how about Zack Ward, who shows up for a few minutes, much in the same way he appeared in "Resident Evil: Apocalypse"? It's always fun to see Ward for really no reason at all.

Bernie Mac shows up for a nice cameo as a car dealer. John Turturro, who shows up as a secret government agent, is a hilarious douchebag that should get his own TV show or movie spin off. It'd be a hoot. And then there's Michael O'Neill, who shows up as another secret government agent. You've seen him on "The West Wing" and more recently on "The Unit," and while his part is small, this is the guy that should get more movie work because he is that good. He's a great character actor, he has an authority about him, and I'd love to see him in a meatier villain role. Maybe he could join Turturro in the spin off.

Of course, the big stars of the movie, the reason we're all going to go in the first place, the Transformers, actually come off looking pretty good. At least some of the time. They obviously don't look the same as they did in the cartoon. They're more (and I hate this word) "organic" in the movie. It would have been better, though, if the Transformers, both Autobots and Decepticons, had a little more "incorporation" from the old cartoon designs just so we can identify the robot characters a little better. With the exception of Optimus Prime and Bumblebee I couldn't tell the other robots apart. Megatron, the main Decepticon, wasn't as bad as he could have been simply because he was hard to identify. The various fights, which apparently include both imaculate CGI and some form of live action, I guess you'd call it, wire work, are freaking amazing. Even if you can't tell who is winning, the fact that these big butt robots are fighting is just... yeah. It just looks good. And Peter Cullen sounds great. Optimus Prime wouldn't have worked without him.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous Peter Cullen, soldiers talking about eating gator, Zack Ward, gratuitous Osprey helicopter (wasn't that thing exposed on "60 Minutes" as unsafe?), men in kiddie pools, holograms, an internet phone call, transforming robots, gratuitous high school stuff, a teacher with a "Quiet" sign, a yellow Volkswagen, computer nerds recruited by the government, dog with a cast, gardening, dog with bling, dog with pain pills, a hip and edgy lake party, tree climbing, gratuitous Marvin Gaye and James Brown, a woman who knows engines, gratuitous George W. Bush parody, a Robocop parody, an "I Come In Peace" parody, gratuitous Indian call center, air strikes, videogame playing, Shia LeBeouf riding a girl's bike, being pantsed by a robot, a urinating robot, gratuitous "Kill Bill" parody, asteroid insurance, donut eating, eyeglasses, gratuitous FBI sieges, giant robots evading parents, gratuitous Mars rover secrets, a Hoover Dam secret, a buttload of big robot fights, an exploding bus, Starscream, acrobatic space robot kung fu, a killer Mountain Dew soda machine, and special deep sea diving.

Best lines: "Are you sure you didn't just fart?," "People! Responsibility!," "Are you going to sell me his liver?," "There might be a pop quiz tomorrow, there might not, Live in fear tonight," "Sir, ask yourself a question, what would Jesus do?," "What? Did you think I was going to get you a Porsche for your first car?," "No sacrifice, no victory," "If I had a rock I'd bust your head, bitch," "Don't go Ricky Ricardo on me," "Come on, Mojo, you want your pain pills?," "Sam, I don't like footprints on my grass," "Please, for the love of God, drive safely," "My God, you are so cheap," "Bro's before ho's," "That's weird. I wouldn't peg you as a mechanic," "I think there's a lot more thasn meets the eye with you," "Can you wrangle me up some ding dongs, darling?," "We must find Ladiesman217!," "My name is Sam Witwicky. To anyone that finds this my car is alive," "You eyeballing my piece fitty cent?," "Left cheek! Left cheek! Left cheek!," "Shut up Grandma!," "To punish and enslave," "Not so tough without a head, are you?," "You are the strangest boy I've ever met," "Maybe you should sit in my lap," "If he's like a super robot why does he transform into this piece of crap car?," "This is easily a hundred times cooler than Armageddon," "Excuse me, are you the Tooth Fairy?," "My name is Optimus Prime," "We learned the Earth's languages through the world wide web," "The boy's pheromones suggest he wants to mate with the female," "This thing is wicked," "Hey, man, I'm still a virgin!," "He leaked lubricant all over my foot!," "Autobots recon," "You know the rules. No locked doors in my house," "You know he's going to start counting," "You're so defensive. Were you masturbating?," "They've got to get their hands off my bush!," "Criminals are hot," "Gentlemen, I want you to meet my friend. Optimus Prime," "Bumblebee, stop lubricating the man," "I bought a car. Turned out to be an aline robot. Who knew?," "Nokias are nasty. You've got to respect the Japanese. They know the way of the samurai," and "Humans don't deserve to live."

"Transformers" is a great action science fiction popcorn summer movie that should absolutely be seen. You'll have a great time.

Go see it.

source : www.411mania.com